My foot slammed on the breaks. Why? Why did the traffic all of a sudden screech to a halt? It was noon on a Saturday and I was 10 miles from leaving the burbs. I was almost out of the cities to free sailing down the interstate. No. I searched for flashing lights or sounds of sirens. None. My heart sank back into my chest and I buckled down for the 10 miles at 0-30 mph stop and go traffic. Luckily, I had a pack of patience stored in my pants. ;) Patience and inner peace came slowly as I enjoyed the sunlight, my Caribou white almond cooler and my satisfaction with the weekend. As I sat, I realized I was at ease with not only this car ride, but with the world and my life despite or en light of the less than ideal circumstances in the past four months.
Dad has cancer.
Mom's hernia surgery saved her from a rotting remnant on her stomach from a past surgery. Let's say we've never been so excited for a hernia. :)
My oldest brother is facing the possibility of prison. You live with choices you make.
I found a lump on my left arm.
Wedding planning isn't all sunshine and rainbows especially when planning it alone.
Small children need a lot of your energy and love.
I wasn't always the best at managing my stress or cleaning for that matter during this time. Therefore, this car ride inspired me to write this blog as a way to help me focus on being at peace and being peaceful with the people around me no matter the circumstance. Here is a recap of the sunshine from Friday & Saturday:
This weekend, like last, I traveled 4 hours to visit and care for my father as he began his journey through cancer treatment. On Wednesday, he had his first round of chemo and radiation followed by daily doses of radiation. All of these make him tired. The port and feeding tub surgery also makes him sleepy. Therefore I knew he needed extra help & I needed to pick up wedding invites any way. (He wasn't 100% willing to ask me to drive down.) We had a great time bonding amongst my cleaning, cooking and shopping for him. Friday morning, I had wrote a note to my dad as I drove down the interstate thinking and I shared it with him Saturday morning. He thanked me for all the help and kind words, because he couldn't have done it without me and appreciated the help. He thought he would have been more self-sufficient for longer. The reality of the side effects (loss of energry and taste, etc.) is sinking in. Muskmelon was the first of his favorite foods to not taste right. Oh, the poor coffee lover. I hope he can enjoy coffee as long as possible.
I know this a journey God has called us all on and as Matthew West says so well, he must be strong enough. See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66fAw7gOsl8&feature=relmfu or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kt2kVS0Z3xI&feature=relmfu.
Additional joy included seeing my good friend a second weekend in a row. I got to pick up all the supplies for wedding invitations she had created. She is amazing; I must add.
Thursday was my last day with students and Monday is my last day as a teacher until September. This also brings me peace and comfort to know I have time off to care for my father and to prepare for the wedding and school in September. As I wrote this sentence, I had deja vu. I had already seen this screen and wrote these words. I had had this mental debate about how much I should reveal and what to exclude. I was going to be writing this blog of peace and discussing my father's treatment. This was one of my most vivid moments of deja vu. Though I can always recall having them, but that's another day and topic. :)
Well, my computer is about to run out of battery and it's late Saturday night/really early Sunday morning. Sweet dreams and may you find inner peace in your journey through life!
